The Tragedy of Isolation and the Call to Action for Christians

In my role as a Church Planter in 2011, I was working with a small congregation that started a ministry to serve specifically within our community. We looked for people in our immediate neighborhoods who could use help at their homes, and then we’d organize a day for a group of us to give them a hand.

One afternoon, I received a call from the principal of the elementary school where our church met on Sundays. She wanted to see if we might be able to offer some assistance to one of the families from her school. A single mother of two named Kim had just gone through a divorce, and she was also battling cancer. The principal explained that this typically confident woman had not asked for help, but people at school picked up some clues that she might be struggling to keep up with the basic demands of life. I assured her that we would reach out to Kim and see if we could be of service.

Once I hung up, I couldn’t help but wonder why the principal had not contacted someone for help at the large church that was literally across the street from the school. This church had a large campus, more than a thousand members, and a big presence in the community. Our church? We had less than 50 members, had only been in existence for a year, and we stored all our supplies in a trailer that we parked at a friend’s business during the week. And yet, for some reason, the principal contacted us.

A New Connection

I called Kim that same day to introduce myself and tell her about our team. Although she initially declined my offer of help (“Oh no, we’re fine. Thank you!”), our conversation continued. Before we finished, Kim timidly mentioned a few things around her house that had been neglected during her time of personal and physical crisis. I could still hear a touch of hesitation in her voice, but we set up a time to get together and visit. I was able to meet Kim and find out more about her situation in the following weeks. Then we scheduled a workday.

About a month later, our team caravanned into a friendly neighborhood located a few blocks from the elementary school. The well-kept houses all looked basically the same, and I knew everyone was searching for the one that displayed obvious, external signs of “need.” An overgrown yard. A collapsed porch.

When we pulled up in front of a nice home that was indistinguishable from its neighbors, I could tell the team members were confused. Did we have the wrong address? Could the people inside this house really need help with improving their living conditions? How could this be the right place?

Kim greeted us warmly at the door and admitted she was still in disbelief that we were there. Noticeably weak from the cancer treatments, she made her way back to the sofa before telling us about the things around the house that could possibly use our attention. She smiled as she watched our volunteers launch into activity around her.

Life had thrown Kim some serious curveballs, and she was utterly overwhelmed. Her unwelcome shift into survival mode meant that normal home maintenance had not been a priority, but every day she felt anxious about falling further behind. We hoped to change that.

Our team spent the day cleaning out Kim’s garage, washing the car, mowing and trimming the lawn, fixing a leaky faucet, replacing a broken window blind, storing things in the attic, and taking other items to Goodwill. Throughout that time, our volunteers also took turns sitting with Kim and talking with her about her children, her work, and her health challenges.

Kim repeatedly thanked us for being there that day and told us she felt like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. She also shared what she considered the most amazing part of the experience. The strangers who showed up on her front porch at 9:00 that morning were now her friends. She still couldn’t believe that our team had such a sincere interest in her life, investing the time to help her and get to know her family.

An Unexpected Twist

As we were finishing the last of the work and gathering up our tools, a woman rushed through the front door. She anxiously scanned the room, looking for Kim among our team of volunteers. “Who are these people?” she asked with a nervous smile. “What are they doing here?”

Kim laughed and introduced us to her mother, Bonnie. Since Bonnie looked completely bewildered by our presence, I took a moment to sit down and chat with her. I told her about the work we had done that day at the house and explained how our church was passionate about the mission to serve neighbors in our community. As I spoke, I could see Bonnie holding back the tears. She expressed deep gratitude for our willingness to help her daughter.

Then Bonnie told me something I never expected. She mentioned that she was a member of another large church in the area. In fact, she served on the missions committee and was just on her way home from a meeting with that group. I could tell from her expression that she recognized the awkward irony of the situation. Still, she graciously thanked us again for sharing God’s love with her family in a beautiful, tangible way.

My mind was flooded with questions that night.

How could someone like Kim fall through the cracks, particularly when her mother is an active church member? Was she overlooked because she lived in a nice house in a prominent area? Did pride prevent her from asking for the help she desperately needed? Did she feel ashamed or embarrassed that she couldn’t “keep it together” during a stressful time? Why was Kim’s mother so surprised by our actions when she served on a missions committee? And again, why did the school principal reach out to us for help instead of contacting someone at a much larger church?

If not for some observant people at school and a proactive principal, Kim would have continued suffering through this difficult season of life by herself. Alone. Inside her lovely home. Pretending everything was fine. Feeling completely isolated from the world, unnoticed by the church.

A Surprising Realization

This was the beginning of God showing me what I wouldn’t completely comprehend until later. It was my introduction to the devastating impact of isolation, which is a tragedy often hiding in plain sight.

Not long after that, God led me to begin a nonprofit ministry dedicated to serving isolated people and helping them connect with life-giving community, the way the Lord intended. I wrote about that process in my first book from 2020, Unexpected Connections: How God is Rewiring a Community to Fight Social Isolation and Grow the Kingdom. Today, there’s recognition and agreement among organizations and government agencies that social isolation is a destructive epidemic that’s tearing away at the fabric of our communities.

While I’m grateful for that acknowledgement, I’ve also realized that isolation is actually just a symptom of a much bigger crisis I call Relational Poverty. It’s not just something we see in a needy person who is all alone. Relational Poverty is rooted and perpetuated in a culture that values privacy over community; neighborhoods of people who rarely interact, churches who live out serving mostly as projects to do; and Christians who feel unequipped and even un-called to demonstrate love to others through personal interactions. Our societal norms today are fueling isolation that leaves people from every demographic group struggling to do life on their own—and believing that’s just normal. It is not.

That’s the focus of my second book, just released this month, called The Crisis of Relational Poverty: God’s Solution Starts With You. In this book, I share the stories I’ve collected about my experiences and the many lessons God has revealed along this journey. More importantly, I’ve created a roadmap to help ministry groups begin fighting back against this tragedy through relational serving and sharing the power of presence with our neighbors in need. It’s my prayer that these tools will be useful in the mission God has called us to.

An Opportunity for Christians

To be clear, this book is not in any way a condemnation of the church. It is actually a rally cry for ministry leaders. God designed the church as a model of relationships—the body of Christ. That means we as Christians have the potential to work together and become the solution to this terrible crisis. It’s our collective call to action!

I hope this book will give you inspiration and encouragement to lead your organization in transforming the lives of isolated people in your community. If your ministry adopts a relational approach to serving, I invite you to contact me if I can help or answer any questions. Together, we can be a powerful, God-focused response to this tragedy.