Why You Need a Mentor

The Difference Between a Coach and a Mentor

As a Church Planting Director, I often hear planters speak (or post) about time spent with a mentor. Initially, I’m excited that they have a mentor in their life, but upon further investigation, I find myself wondering if what they have is really a mentor or not. While mentor and coach are sometimes thought of as interchangeable terms, there is a difference between the two.

A mentor is the term used to describe having a person who helps you focus on long-term objectives. It is a person of wisdom who provides on-going support to you; to help you get from where you are now to where you want to be. Think of a mentor as a trusted advisor.

A coach is someone who helps you with goal-oriented assistance. Each month, I coach 6-10 nonprofit leaders and I help them clarify and achieve their organizational goals. Coaching can be accomplished in as short as one session (a rarity) but is always focused on short-term goals. At times, a mentor can function as a coach.

So, what makes a good mentor?

Someone Who Can Speak Into Your Life

We all relish time spent with a key ministry leader. “I got to spend a weekend with 5 other pastors hanging with ___________ at his house- what a great time.” “My spouse and I recently got to have lunch with ____________ and they gave us some excellent advice.”

While a one-off meal or weekend with a key ministry leader is valuable, it is not the same thing as having a mentor. Will you be able to call this person on a Saturday night after having a fight with your spouse and get guidance on what to do because Sunday is only hours away?

A mentor spends time with you monthly, sometimes more often when necessary. He or she gets to know you and can thus address topics that might be overlooked in a one-off session with a leader.

Someone Who Is Further Down the Road Than You Are

If your vision is to build a multi-site church when you are still one location, it may not be helpful to have a pastor as a mentor who has been successful at growing one location over the years but has never expanded beyond one location.

I met a pastor from the United Kingdom years ago who wanted to do a smaller church approach to multi-site. When he heard that was the model that I was developing in San Diego, he invited me to come to the UK and meet with he and his pastors. For seven years now, Desiree and I have taken trips to the UK (next one is in the Fall), done Zoom sessions with he and their leaders, and become good friends.

Someone Who Continues to Grow Their Knowledge Base

If a mentor tells you how they did something, that might be helpful. But if a mentor tells you four different ways of accomplishing something with the strengths and weaknesses of each approach, that is invaluable.

One of my best friends has retired as the Lead Pastor of his church but is still learning and growing. His knowledge base continues to expand, which makes him a great mentor.

Someone Who Stands Out Compared to the Others

Whenever I see a younger leader spending time with too many different leaders, it means one of two things:

• They are desperate for an answer because they are stuck. You don’t get unstuck by shopping around. Find the best voice and let that person walk with you, however long it takes. The problem with multiple voices speaking into your life is that no matter how good they are, you’re going to get conflicting advice.
• They don’t like what they are hearing. Find the voice that will tell you what you don’t want to hear but need to hear.

I have often told leaders that I coach, “I’m rarely going to tell you something that you haven’t already thought of. But I can help you clarify and/or confirm what you have already been thinking.” Not once has anyone of them regretted having me help them think it through.

If your mentor isn’t someone who is doing these things, is he or she really your mentor? If you don’t have a mentor, you are missing out on reaching your fullest potential for God.